The Vladimir aka The Nefarious 3.5

I miss the Nefarious and since everything else has moved from DGeek to here, thought i\'d bring it too, but start kinda from fresh.

For the unitiated, think Death Star, but instead of Darth Vader we have The Evil Empress Barcardicider.

Hopefully the clone manufacturing process will start soon, so you can order your clones from whoever gets on here first, gets the rights.

The Enemy is Salad and his army of nutricious vegetables.

Have fun playing and make it as sane or as mad and out there as you want. So feel free to join in.

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Jayne stood on the bridge of The Vladimir formerly known as The Nefarious 3.5 (it should have been The Nefarious III, but half of it was lost in a time warp, thanks to Kass\'s experiment when it was being built). But Bar thought 3.5 sounded lame, hence the change to The Vladimir, named after her Great Grandfather, The Most Evil Count Vladimir.

Jayne missed the soft chocolately colours, instead it had all been replaced by rock, not the stone kind, but the sort of rock you got at holiday resorts and broke your teeth on. Most of the walls were a minty flavour, though a few were fruit flavoured and had words running through them, like \'Empress Bar is your Leader, Obey\', Kneel before me, or lie dead before me. Choice is yours\', \'Salad is your Enemy\', \'Do as I say or Die\' amongst many others, including \'No Bananas allowed on board\', though quite what the last inscription was doing there or how it got there, nobody knew.

The descision to make everything our of rock was made to try and keep repair bills down. They\'d even tested it on Mirth and even she had found it hard to lick her way through the walls. Needles to say, the fighters were also made out of rock, though Bar\'s special private cruiser was made out of hard fruit flavoured boiled sweets.

Jayne looked at the hard bridge seats, no more having the heat of your body mold the chocolate seats into your body shape.

Bringing up the manifest, she noted that many of the old crew were due to return and one or two new ones too. Her eyes narrowed when she saw the name Monkey0lovin, that squirrel could be trouble. Ah well, only time would tell how much chaos she would cause.

Jayne quickly looked around and sat in Bar\'s bridge chair and did a fair imitation of her boss issuing orders and the demise of her minions.

Hearing a sound behind her, she leapt out of the chair and rushed to her work station to see who was returning and how they were settling in to their new enviroment.

@JAyne, thats was brilliant! I can't think of anything to write at the moment but I might think of somthing when I am more awake. Maybe tomorrow!

It'll be brilliant to have you on board AL, all postions are available, so have fun where you will

coolness! thanks Jayne

For those who don't know what The Vladimir is made of, follow this link and all will be explained;-

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rock_(confectionery)

Scruff, accompanied by her Rodney and Radek clones, arrived back at the Vladimir on her personal space shuttle.

It was very handy having two geniuses around. They had made a really good job with the little shuttle and Scruff was thinking there could be a market for the speedy little spacecrafts, especially as they were made of the same ingredients as Wagon Wheels! Soft mallow seats, crisp biscuity walls and a thick chocolaty coating to hold it all together!

Leaving the shuttle safely stored in loading bay, Scruff and her boys headed to their suite to unpack before heading down to the lab to check on the cloning system. Radek had come up with some improvements but Rodney needed convincing. Scruff sat back in her office and left them to it. She opened up her laptop and started a new file ready for the flood of clone requests she was sure would soon arrive as other crewmembers returned to the newly refurbished Vladimir.

Jay watched on the monitor as Scruff settled herself in, and that she'd promoted herself to Clone Mistress.

Jay sent her an email;-

To: Scruffnstuff
From: Jayne

Can you please provide 50 red shirt clones and arrange for two to be assigned per air lock.

Also, your personal shuttle. Please arrange to have one built for me, or I will have no choice but to confiscate yours.

The usual fee will be paid for the above work and if you have it all done be the end of the week, i'll ensure a bonus is involved.

Scruff read the memo from Jayne...... 50 red shirt clones.......no problem............2 per air lock........no problem.........personal shuttle for Jayne? Hmmmm......have to ask the Boys about that!

Scruff left her office and walked in to the lab to see how far Rodney and Radek had got with the modifications to the cloning process. It appeared to going ok cos they weren't bickering at the moment. Scruff asked them to program 10 each of 5 different red shirt clones (after all it gets boring looking at the same faces all the time! ). Rodney started to splutter something about too much too soon but Radek looked up and smiled, saying " No problem, Scruff"

"Oh yes...." said Scruff, "Remember I warned you that others would want Wagon Wheel Shuttles? We have our first order! How soon do you think we can get them into production?"

Rodney looked up and said " Well that depends on where we can get the space for the Shuttle Oven. It can't go just anywhere you know!"

Scruff handed him a power bar and told him she would talk to Jayne about suitable locations. Heading back to her office, she grabbed a cup of tea from the refreshment machine and sat down to reply to Jayne's memo.

To: Jayne
From: Scruffnstuff

Re: Redshirt clones - 10 x 5 models already in production and assignments prepared for completed clones.

Re: Wagon Wheel Shuttle - suitable location for Shuttle Oven required. PLease co=ordinate with my Rodney on size and equipment required. In the meantime my Shuttle can be hired for a reasonable fee.

Scruff hit send and sat back pondering on how far she had come since she first joined the Nefarious to work with the Jelly/o forcefield. She and her Boys had done well!

Looking up from her console she found deserted (yes, the transporter console; I'm so hermiod ) Ekorre was watching the ship's internal sensors. Looking up confused she asks Jayne: "Erm, Jayne? I'm not sure but it seems the Vladimir has some rooms that are not really there... I don't know what exactly Kass did during her "experiment" but well it's ... weird. The sensors also say there're rooms outside the Vladimir. But only temporarely. You might want to know this. Maybe not though... Oh, and BTW, might I get a room at the third outer rim deck? I still have my luggage in the transporter buffer so as soon you assign me my room officially I might continue beaming up the rest of the crew."

The doors to the bridge slid open, and Avabird entered, still licking the sticky rock residue from her fingers. She was startled to find Jayne alone on the bridge and busy at her own workstation. Jayne looked up, a wide-eyed, innocent expression on her face.

She said, in her most professional voice, "Welcome aboard, how may I be of assistance?" She smiled sweetly.

Avabird made a slight frown. She was sure Jayne had been up to something, but couldn't see anything out of place anywhere on the bridge.

"I came up from engineering to report that the new Warp Core is almost finished with the rolling stage, and just needs to go through the hardening phase, then we should be ready to fire this baby up, " Avabird said.

"I'm sure the Most Evil Empresss will be glad to hear that report," said Jayne, shifting items around on her workstation impatiently. "She wants to get underway as soon as possible."

"Just a couple more things..... Could you let Scruff know that we need some clones for engineering? When the chocolate syrup was flushed out of the Nefarious, the other clones were still swimming in it and got flushed into space. And, for some reason, my quarters don't seem to be ... there," Avabird said and coughed in embarrassment.

"Apparently, you aren't the only one experiencing that small problem," Jayne replied. "It has been reported and we are working on it as fast as we can get all the duplicate and triplicate forms filled in and filed. It's just a small side effect from Kass's experiment." She made air quote signs as she said the word experiment.

"Okay, if you say so," Avabird did not sound like she was confident. "I'll just sleep in engineering till you figure it out."

Jayne smiled sweetly again, as Avabird left the bridge and returned to engineering.

A little later, as she was looking at training vids in engineering, avabird discovered this nugget. "Hmmm...," she said. "Maybe this is why The Evil One is not allowing any bananas on board."

http://www.bitrebels.com/geek/how-to-correctly-open-a-banana-monkey-style/

Scruff was still waiting for Jayne to contact her Rodney to discuss the new location for the Shuttle oven. In fact Jayne had been quiet for a few days.

When Scruff had passed through Engineering, Avabird had asked if Jayne had mentioned producing some engineering clones and said that she thought Jayne had been behaving suspiciously on the bridge when she had arrived. They both wondered why there hadn't been any more crew arriving, although they had seen Ekkore briefly near the transporter console.

Now that Rodney and Radek had got the clone making system up and running more efficiently, Scruff needed to find something else to keep them occupied. Although they were perfectly capable of running their own research, it was a good idea to keep track of what they were up to. There had been that unfortunate incident (that we don't talk about ) while the three of them had been on vacation and Scruff hadn't quite forgiven them for that!

Scruff checked her emails again......still nothing from Jayne about a location for that oven. Scruff was getting concerned that this was a ploy to confiscate her own shuttle. That would never do! She would give Jayne another 24 hours and then she would find a suitible location herself (with the help of The Boys) and get production going anyway.

She didn't really want to go over Jayne's head but she was not going to give up her shuttle to anyone! After all it had been a present from her Boys when they were trying to make amends for 'that Incident that we don't talk about'!

Scruff decided there was nothing else she could do today so she headed to the lab to collect the Boys. She had some popcorn and power bars in their suite and there were a couple of movies they wanted to watch. They ought to make the most of the quiet, after all it never lasts long!

To: Scruffnstuff
From: Jayne

Sorry for the delay but I had to get a degree in mathematics to understand Rodney's and Radek's requirements with regars how much room they would need to make personal shuttles. Also there was the matter of disappearing rooms, some of which appear outside the hull of the ship for no apprent reason.

I believe Decks 4 through to 6 can be adjusted as per their requirements, so when you've done the red shirts, please create some engineers and general labourers to assist in the deck adjustments and they can also be used in the manufacture of the shuttle themselves. Once built, the shuttles can be stored in closet 25 on deck 8b, which has a TARDIS circuit and access to bay doors (and also some nice patio doors too, complete with sash wndows and frilly curtains, located within).

I look forward to receiving mine as I have scutters on stand by, to, damn, lost the delete button again, ignore this bit.

Jayne

Kass wandered into her lab surveying her latest experiments with a slightly quirked grin. With a soft laugh she headed for her console to send Scruff her clone request.

To: Scruffnstuff
From: Kass

Could you please have the boys work on an order of 25 new Lorne clones, please?

Somehow in the transfer all of my clones seem to have disappeared and I would like to replace them.

Payment will be of the usual method, with a bonus provided if you can get them to me without anyone knowing.

Kass

With the email sent, Kass wandered over to her Time Warp machine and began fiddling with it.

Scruff noticed a couple of emails had arrived while she and the Boys had been watching movies. 'Looks like the quiet spell is over' she thought.

She opened the first one, from Jayne, and smiled. Calling the Boys into her office, she gave them the good news and sent them off to start production on the engineer and labourer clones.

Still pleased with the idea of making some extra income by selling Wagon Wheel Shuttles to interested folk, Scruff opened the email from Kass. Feeling generous, she replied.

To: Kass
From: Scruff

Thank you for ordering from Clones 'R' Us.

As you have placed an order for 25 clones, you qualify for today's Special Offer!

For every 25 you order you get one extra clone of your choice free!
Please confirm if you would like another Lorne clone or one of a different model, after all variety is the spice of life!



Scruff pressed send and headed out to the lab. It looked as though it was going to get busier down here now so maybe she should get another set or two of the Boys to help out! That way they could keep producttion going 24/7 and she would still have a Rodney and Radek to relax with!

She handed Rodney a power bar and told him to move her order to the top of the pile.

Kass looked up as her console beeped at her and she stepped away from the Time Warp machine to check her email pumping a fist into the air when she saw Scruffs email.

Woo hoo!

She quickly typed back a response.

To: Scruff

From: Kass

After much debate I have decided that for my free clone I would like an extra Lorne clone.

Thanks in advance,

Kass

PS. Payment will be rendered immediately upon delivery.

Kass hit send and then frowned when she heard her Time warp machine beeping frantically. "Uh-oh" she said as she rushed off to tend to the persnickity machine.

Scruff received the email from Kass and smiled to herself. As she had predicted, Kass wanted an extra Lorne clone. Just as well, she had already asked the Boys to make 26 Lorne clones for immediate delivery.

The production of engineer and labourer clones was progressing nicely and there would be enough to start construction on the modifications to decks 4 to 6 in another 24 hours.

Rodney2 was already working on the plans for the reconstructions but he was a bit concerned about the Time Warp anomolies that kept appearing and disappearing around the ship .

He called Radek2 over and soon they were attempting to build a shield that would protect the Shuttle Oven from any temporal disruptions that might occur.

With Rodney1 and Radek1 engrossed in clone production, Scruff collected Rodney3 and Radek3 and headed off to the Mess Hall to see if any other crew had arrived.

E-mail to Scruff in Clone Production
From avabird in engineering

dear Scruff,

Could we please make some small modifications to the engineering clones?? After much thought, I have realized it would be good to have at least one Rodney and one Radek clone to develop and assign tasks to the engineer clones. And since engineering is such a dangerous job, can you also make a couple of Carsons, plus a Paul for me to keep busy.. I mean assist me with my numerous duties?

Thank you.

Scruff decided to check her emails before heading for bed and found one from avabird in Engineering.
She could understand why avabird wanted a Rodney and Radek, after all she had three of each (so far! ) herself.

She would have to come up with some kind of classification system so that the clones didn't get mixed up. She didn't mind if others had Rodney and Radek clones but she didn't want anyone else getting their hands on HER clones!

As for Carson clones, well it would be a good idea to have a couple of those in Engineering. In fact there ought to be one (or two!) in the Clone Production dept in case of emergencies!

Scruff quickly wrote an email to Rodney1 telling him to add one Rodney, one Radek and four Carsons to the overnight orders and to let her know when they were ready. She would deliver them personally (keeping a couple of Carsons for herself) and see what excatly avabird planned to do with a Paul clone before submitting the order for that one!

Kass was muttering to herself when there was a knock on the door behind her, her head shooting up from the screen with a grin. 'those must be the Lorne Clones I ordered' she thought to herself as she headed for the door.

Unfortunately just as she was about to open the door there was a popping noise behind her as the time warp machine started itself up....

Suddenly, there were klaxons and red lights flashung everywhere.

Jayne rushed around turning most of them off and eventually found the source.

"Kass!" she yelled down the radio. "Get your experiments under control."

Jayne watched as the calender kept changing from the future to the past and back again.

*queue special effects* Jayne swore as she watched the walls swirl and bend. She started to race to the door and found it had changed into a port cullis, complete with draw bridge and moat.

Kass sighed wistfully as she stared at the Lorne clones she'd ordered trying to pick a favorite.

When the klaxons started going off she frowned but figured that Jayne would get the problem fixed. She pointed to one particular clone who was attired in a flight suit, "You, I think that..." before she could finish she was cut off by Jayne yelling down the radio.

Glancing over at her Time Warp machine she swore softly under her breath and raced over to the machine typing in her code but not before.....


*cue fade to black*

Scruff felt the Vladimir shudder. She jumped up and dashed to the door of her office looking for her clones.

She called Rodney3 over and told him to get working on a Temporal Shield to protect the Clone Production Area and the Shuttle Oven from Kass' experiemnts.

Rodney3 grumbled about people who expect too much too quickly but stopped when he noticed Scruff glaring at him. He grabbed Radek3 and headed off to Lab 3 calling to Scruff and saying that another Rodney and Radek might be a good idea cos four heads were better than 2!

Scruff agreed and arranged for Rodney4 and Radek4 to head for Lab3 as soon as they were produced. She just hoped they would sort something out before the Vladimir was pulled apart.

Suddenly everything clicked back into place!

"Is everybody okay?" Jayne asked over the ships radio.

She kept her fingers crossed that no one had ended up in outer space. Maybe she should ask the Evil one about trading this one in and maybe talk to her about letting Kass have anything to do with spaceships in general.

Scruff heard Jayne's call over the radio and yelled a quick reply.

"I'll get back to you when I have checked on The Boys!" she shouted as she ran from her office.

First stop was the Clone Production department where Rodney1 and Radek1 were attempting to sort out the red shirt and engineering clones that had become tangled in a heap when the ship had shuddered drunkenly.

Handing power bars to Rodney1 and Radek1 she asked them if they had managed to get Rodney4 and Radek4 finished yet.

"Yes, yes" muttered Rodney1, "they have already gone down to help Me3 with the Temperal Sheild."

Scruff dashed off to see how the Rodneys and Radeks were getting on shielding the Shuttle Oven. As she went she wondered what had caused the violent tremors that had shaken the Vladimir. It had felt as though the ship was being pulled apart at the seams and didn't bode well for surviving any space storms they might encounter......if they ever got this ship out into open space that is! The Evil One seemed somewhat reluctant to get this voyage under way.........

The most feared of all Evil One's, Barcardicider, picked herself up off the corridor floor with a helping hand from Chief Fighter Pilot Mirth.

Bar was about to mutter a reluctant thank you, when she noticed that the hand Mirth had held to help her up was all sticky with chocolate. She gave Mirth a suspicous look, wondering where the hell she could have gotten chocolate from in the now chocoate free Nefarious ...err.. Vladimir.

"Better check on the fighters," Mirth said as she made a fast exit down the corridor.

Bar wiped her hand clean on a passing Red Shirt and then threw him out of an airlock.

She continued on to the Control Room, time to meet and greet the crew, get the Vlad under way on its? his? her? madien voyage and find out what the heck was going on with all the temperal displacement shenigans. The Vlad wasn't equipment with a dimensional drive (waay too expensive), the ship was powered by a conventional tri-diathum warp core, there was just no way temperal shifts should be happening especially in normal space, unless ...... someone was doing the Time Warp!!!!!!!!

***gasp***